Growing up Jewish, the holiday season was confusing for me. Christmas trees and depictions of Santa Claus were everywhere. Shopping malls were filled with people buying gifts, and there was all this talk about our savior being born. But as a non-Christian, I felt like an outsider. I didn’t understand what any of it meant. 

In a similar way, healers might find themselves feeling lonely this time of year. Though we work tirelessly to lighten others’ emotional loads, we sometimes overlook our own needs for connection and support. We absorb others’ pain until our emotional reserves run dry, but we don’t always have relationships that nourish us.

Feeling Alone 

In case you’re experiencing the holiday blues, here are some aspects to consider:

AUTONOMY

Many healers work independently rather than as part of a team, so they lack built-in support systems. Many also work remotely, which fosters disconnection. You may feel like you are getting your need for connection met because you interact with clients all day, but this may not be the case. We need to feel cared for in addition to caring for others. We need balanced, nourishing relationships where we can show up authentically and express our own vulnerabilities too.

EMOTIONAL LABOR

Friends and family members don’t always understand the emotional labor it requires to do healing work. Many healers will overwork rather than reach out for help. We may resist speaking honestly about our own struggles for fear it will make us appear less competent or capable of helping others. As a result, we carry heavy loads for others in addition to holding our own pain without anyone to help us shoulder the burden.

SEASONAL SADNESS

Depending on where you live, you might experience colder weather and fewer hours of daylight this time of year. This can worsen loneliness, especially for healers and caregivers already burdened with compassion fatigue, decision overload, and lack of support. Additionally, feelings of loss and grief tend to peak during the late fall and winter months. The combination of less sunlight exposure, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), nostalgia around the holidays, and reflecting on the passing year can be difficult to manage alone. 

Coping This Season

Just because it’s common for healers to feel lonely around the holidays doesn’t mean you have to accept it as inevitable. Here are some ideas for how to relieve holiday loneliness:

HEAL THROUGH COMMUNITY

When we look to our ancestors and ancient wisdom, we see that healing happens through community–through sharing stories, practicing rituals, and supporting others. As social creatures, our health depends heavily on connecting with others. This holiday season, join a group or community oriented around your work or personal interests. Interacting with like-minded people fosters a sense of belonging, and belonging is an antidote to burnout. 

ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED

You deserve to feel seen and valued this season too. So, it’s important to build relationships where your needs matter. Have faith that there are people who truly care about you and want to help carry your burdens–you need only allow them into your world. Send that text to an old friend you’ve been meaning to catch up with. Have an intimate dinner party with close loved ones. Ask for help when you need it. Vulnerability breeds connection. 

REFRAME ALONE TIME 

Solitude doesn’t have to mean isolation. Use the winter as permission to slow down, recharge, and reflect on what belonging means to you. Focus inward on replenishing your mental, physical, and emotional reserves. Carve out restorative downtime to immerse yourself in solitary hobbies like journaling, puzzles, art, and meditation. 

KEEP MOVING

Staying active regulates mood and boosts endorphins. If you’re in a cold climate, embrace winter sports like skiing or snowshoeing. Bundle up for a brisk walk through twinkling neighborhood light displays. Sign up for virtual dance classes you can do from your living room–anything that gets your heart rate up a few times a week.

What would it look like if more of us broke the silence on healer isolation and relied on one another for support? What are your ways of coping during the holidays? Let me know your thoughts on Facebook and Instagram!