Setting healthy boundaries is a common struggle for healers, given our innate desire to help and serve others. But without proper boundaries, it’s easy to give too much and burn out.

Some common challenges around establishing boundaries include:

  • How do I know when to push past fear versus when to honor my limits and stay in my comfort zone?
  • How can I set boundaries without feeling anxious and guilty about disappointing others?
  • What if people think I’m rude or selfish if I set this boundary?
  • Why do I make exceptions and break my own boundaries for certain people?

Many healers are survivors of trauma or struggle with people-pleasing and codependency, which can make setting firm boundaries even more difficult. Our intuitive and empathic nature helps us deeply attune to others’ emotions, but being open and giving can make us vulnerable to being taken advantage of.

It takes work, but setting healthy boundaries is possible for healers, even with a history of trauma. And the rewards of that self-care are immense. 

Here are tips I’ve found helpful:

Get Clear on Your Limits

Develop a strong sense of self by reflecting on your core values and deal-breakers. What actions cross the line for you? Where are you weak at creating boundaries–with children, a spouse, parents, dating, yourself? 

Set Boundaries Compassionately

Approach boundary-setting with kindness. Assert your needs clearly without blaming or attacking others. Instead of criticizing, express your feelings and suggest collaborative solutions. For example, if your partner misplaces your keys after borrowing your car, address it with compassion: “It was frustrating when I couldn’t find my keys. Can we work together to ensure this doesn’t happen in the future?”

Align Words with Actions

Consistency is key. If you set a boundary, follow through by making sure your behaviors match your words. If you tell your boss you can’t work past 5 p.m. but consistently work past 5 p.m., it sends a mixed message, compromising the integrity of your boundary.

Present Boundaries as Personal Policies

Instead of telling a coworker, “I don’t want to go to your party,” you can say, “I don’t go out on weeknights. I need time after work to recharge and take care of personal responsibilities.” Anytime you present a boundary as a universal policy, it minimizes the chance that others will take your boundaries personally.

Manage Pushback

There are going to be times when others challenge, ignore, or deny your boundaries. When this happens, address it promptly by reiterating your boundaries and giving consequences. For example, “If you continue that behavior, I will have to end our conversation.” Then follow through. Recognize when to disengage from unhealthy relationships that undermine your well-being.

Set Clear Boundaries with Yourself

Extend boundaries to personal habits. Limit activities that don’t serve you, such as excessive social media or unhealthy foods. Think about what limits a wise, loving parent would set for you and follow through. 

Create a Support System

Surround yourself with friends, a coach, or a community who empower your growth and accountability. Seek relationships with individuals who not only understand the importance of personal limits but actively support your self-care journey. 

Remember, you are not selfish for setting boundaries; it’s an act of self-care. Even Gandhi and Mother Teresa had needs! Honoring your needs creates space for joy and enables you to connect with others from an energized, loving, authentic place. 

You’ve likely heard the airplane analogy by now, but you need to put on your own oxygen mask first, before attempting to help those around you.

Establishing and maintaining boundaries is an ongoing practice. No one wakes up one day and says, “I think my boundaries are set for life!” As relationships evolve and change, we need to continuously re-evaluate our boundaries, allowing ourselves to evolve and change too.

Where are you weak on boundaries? Please share your insights on Instagram and Facebook!

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